Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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