Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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