i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
