i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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