i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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