Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
