all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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