i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
