dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize