See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
