He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
