they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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