sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
