Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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