Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
