Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
