My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
