Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
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i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
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I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
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