I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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