I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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