Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
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when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
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Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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