I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
