How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
