Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize