I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
