I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
