How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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