They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
