Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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