I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
dude. I can hear the air.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
