You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
