I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
