walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
