I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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