apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
