You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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