Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
