small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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