Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
