i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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