I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
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I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Your penis caused this!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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