Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
