A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
