We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
it's great music for shaving your balls
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
