I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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