And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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