I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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