3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My breasts were aching with rage.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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