i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
