After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
did i just pee glitter
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
