trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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