We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize