Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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