I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
