hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
