I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
