I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
