I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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