There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
