I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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