4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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