I can feel you judging me through the phone.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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